Being able to break out of your comfort zone is important to live a happy and successful life. Since the beginning of each of our lives, we have to take steps to get out of our comfort zones in order to develop and grow. Think about a child going to school for the first time and being under the care of those they never met before, or when we assign tasks and homework to young children who don’t want to do them. We encourage and discipline them to do it anyway because we know it’s good for them. What we are doing is help train our children how to break out of their comfort zones and do things they do not like but that we know are good for them. Yet, as we grow older, when there is no one to push us like we did when we were children, we find our most comfortable zones and remain there. If we want to continue to develop and grow as adults, we need to push ourselves. In this article, let’s talk about why we can’t break out of our comfort zones and how to take small steps to help ourselves.
Resistant to Change (Holding on to Old Habits)
I just had lunch the other day with a friend, and then we ended up using her card to pay for lunch. I just had to pay her back afterward. Because I didn’t have enough cash, I asked if I can pay her through Venmo. She said she didn’t have a Venmo account, but her husband does. So, I checked with her husband and he said he doesn’t and that I can just pay them by cash next time. So, I asked what about Zelle? Google Pay? Apple Pay? Turns out they don’t have any of these, except for Zelle. OK, let’s use Zelle and he said he hasn’t tried to use it for receiving money. The conversation then just ended there. I didn’t want to push hard on it, although I tried to encourage them to try it out, especially since they mentioned they do have Zelle set up to pay others already.
I started to think why is it that they are so reluctant to try receiving the payment electronically? I have been using electronic payments for a long time now and it is not a new concept. Or perhaps, they just prefer cash route? Yet, there are some good reasons to use electronic payments. What if you only see a friend once a year? Will you have to wait a year later to get the payment? There is also a chance of forgetting the payment if they have to wait for a very long time. With good reasons to use electronic payment, it just makes this a great example of adults being resistant to change.
We all find ourselves in this situation. We do not want to try new things and even when there are others helping to push us on making the change, we first don’t want to admit we don’t want to change. Instead, we find excuses like, “Oh, I’ve heard about it, but I haven’t tried it because of this many reasons.” In the moment, but due to the lower priority of making a change, the initial step of taking action will drop out of conversation, which eventually will drop out of the thought of pursuing it. The cycle then repeats, if it ever comes back into thought or conversation.
The first step is to acknowledge that we as humans don’t like change, but knowing that change, which I like to call it adventure, is healthy for our development. Because of this, changing to be more open about trying new things is key. Stop making excuses. Instead of saying “but”, we need to be able to say, “I have tried it and I know it is right [or not right] for me.” Break out of the cycle and push yourself to just do it, like Nike says!
Fear of Failure and Rejection
One of the hardest things to get over when we are stuck in our comfort zones is the fear of failure and rejection. As we all know, we always encourage our children to take risks and let them know it’s okay to fail as the failures can be good lessons for them. We, in fact, want them to fail so they know how to manage the emotions and experience the process of overcoming those failures in order to learn. Yet, ironically, for many adults, the fear of failure and rejection is what hold us back.
We can find some of the good examples in building relationships. The fear of rejection lead many people to not be able to find the friendships or relationships that can last a very long time. I have a friend who divorced many years back, but he still holds on to the last relationship while his ex-wife has moved on. The fear of another rejection has led him to avoid meeting new people and having more meaningful relationships in life. The biggest hold back for him is not that he didn’t know about himself. He knew he didn’t want to go through the rejection again, which is understandable, and it’s why many people settle to be comfortable where they are. However, it’s the thought about not being able to find anyone better that is the hold back. Negative thoughts about his outlook in future relationships make it difficult for him to take the first step of meeting new people and potentially finding someone better than his ex-wife. To overcome the fear of rejection and failure is to make a mental change for positivity. In order to break out of this comfort zone, we need to first train ourselves to think positively about ourselves and our future.
For anything we do, thoughts like the following should be what we tell ourselves instead of always thinking about the negative outcomes:
“I will find someone better. She is out there, and I will find her.”
“It’s okay if I fail this time. I will learn from it and it will be successful the next time.”
“It’s fine if it doesn’t work out. I will enjoy the moments of trying it even if it’s not for me.”
We all should have more confidence in ourselves and the outlook because we deserve to live the fullest. Do not let the negative thoughts hold you back.
So, what is holding you back from breaking out of your comfort zone? Don’t let the fear of rejection or failure hold you back from seeing a bright future for yourself. And don’t think change is not a good thing. It’s constantly needed for you to grow and see new ideas that can improve your life. Remember there is no one else to push you like when you were a child, so make sure to push yourself and patiently wait to see your wellness and wealth grow.
